So not it is the night before my surgery and I am antsy. I feel confident in my surgeon BUT what I don't feel confident is in me. I have struggled with self image issues for a very long time and it has been hard trying to accept me for me. I am in a point in my life where I am ok with me. Now that I am having surgery I am afraid of what I will think of myself. Will I nit pick every little bit about my missing self? How am I going to react. I was texting my friend Sam earlier today and I was talking to her about how I was scared. I told her that I was worried about how I will see myself after surgery and she told me "...But you'll still be a beautiful woman and nothing less." But what if I don't see myself like that after surgery? It is a battle that I will face tomorrow. So I pray that I do not change in how I see myself. I pray that I will be able to see me how Sam and everyone else sees me.
I also know that there are many of you wondering if I have heard back about my MRI results. Well here is the thing.....I have my MRI results in BUT I do not know how to read them. No I have not called my Doctor to have them read them to me. Why you ask? Well......let's just say that I am scared of what my test results are. It has not been nice to me in over a month. I feel like each test I do the results before worse then the one before it. So instead of getting my results before my surgery I am just focusing on my surgery. I will ask for my results after my surgery but I do not want to go into surgery if it is bad news. I want to be high spirited and focused to get this cancer out and start healing. So when I am on the mend, after surgery is done, I will ask about my results. Yes, I know kind of strange and odd. Right now the MRI results of not knowing isn't really bothering me. I will get the results and deal with what it says after my surgery.
I want to also share that this past Saturday my dear friend Esha took photos of the boys and I. She showed a sneak peek and I can not wait to see the rest of them!! Esha Hart Photography is her fan page on Facebook. Check her out. So I will leave you all with the picture that she shared on her page. Thank you for praying and keeping me in your thoughts as I travel through my journey to beat the beast out of me.
P.S. Mina if you are reading this I absolutely LOVE my scarf! Thank you so much!!