Friday, March 2, 2012


Wow!! I can not believe that it's MARCH already!! Where the heck has the time gone?? Well I have been busy non stop! If you don't know already I started college. I am super excited about starting this path. I am already signed up for SPRING Quarter!! EEEKKKK!!!! Yes I am on my way. I am headed towards my goal for the FIRST time in almost FIVE years!! Wow! I can't believe that it is taking a DIVORCE to push me forward to my dream. So we have been pretty much busy with school and homework and family of course.

The beginning of the year started out rough and its slowly getting better. I do still have my bitter and anger towards Chuck and I want to wish him the worst in life. Yes I know that is horrible but O feel like he is actually having the easy way out of things. I am just so tired of being so angry at him for the situation that he put me in. DON'T get me wrong my life is hard right now but I am enjoying it. I really wish I could enjoy it so much more to its full potential. Its like my heart isn't completely light of the whole situation. It's still a little bit heavy. I want to tell him what I REALLY think about him and how I see him as a human being and a "father" BUT I can't. As much as that would make me feel good inside it just isn't write. So to fix that problem I will be getting a book to write this stuff out too. I am tired of wasting my time on someone who could so easily give up on a family! He is not worth my time. I have so much I would love to say about him and his parenting ways that I wont. The way he thinks is right is wrong. I am seriously scared to send my boys to him this summer for a few weeks. But anyways I am done with him taking up so much of my happiness! I NEED to enjoy my LIFE!

I have been stressing but that does come with what I am dealing with. CJ is amazingly smart as can be. Jamison is just growing like a weed! They change so much its crazy! I don't know what I would do without them. They are my life line and they keep me going! I am happy with my life. I look forward to my future with my Children. I want to just be 100% happy. I want my heart to heal back to 100%. I know its not healed because its still heavy! I don't like having a heavy heart at all!!

I have also noticed that those who are proud of me over here about me serving in the Military (reserves) and love to tell everyone about it I am hating it :( I know I shouldn't. I know I should be proud that I was in the Military Reserves and that I did go over seas and serve my country. With being married to TWO active duty members it made  me feel like my service was much more less than their service. Like what I did wasn't and can't be put up at the same level as what they did/doing. So when my family and friends mention my military service I get upset because I don't feel like what I did was good enough just because of what I mentioned about. Before I was very proud of being in the military and doing what I did. Now not so much. It sucks! LOL. One day I will get back to being proud of what I did.

Well I know this post was all over the place but just wanted to update you all.