Friday, November 30, 2012

Oncology Consult Information

video
I did a video because it was to long to write. I hope this works. If you have questions please ask. If I said some wrong on here and know correct let me know or if you have any information to share. Thanks.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Just writing out loud

I am sitting here at the dinner table suppose to be doing math and anatomy homework but of course my mind is wondering; go figure, huh? There is just so much going on in my head. My quarter will be done in two weeks and I am afraid that I won't be able to pass two out of the three classes. Yes, this diagnosis has gotten in the way of my learning and I am upset that I let it. For all of you that do not know I am going to college to become a Nurse. I have one quarter left of prerequisites before I can apply for the Nursing program.

Here is the issue: I don't know how extensive my treatments are going to be. Yes, I know that my breast is getting removed but the question that is still lingering is did the cancer spread to my armpit? A part of me wants to still go forth with my winter quarter and do all three classes I am signed up to do just to prove to people that I can do it while being "sick". Then there is another part of me that is telling me to just wait and not do the winter quarter. So I am in a battle with myself as to what to do with winter quarter. I have been on the go with college for a whole year and I don't know what I would do if I didn't have classes to attend too BUT I also don't want to have all these classes and it turns out to be that its to much stress for me at the time.

I have my oncology appointment on Friday, but (YES another but, lol) the consultation won't be 100% because we don't have the biopsy result of the armpit. So should I wait it out and not do winter quarter or do I just think that I am going to do winter quarter as if I was still healthy and not "sick"? Or do I plan on just taking winter quarter off with thinking that I am going to have to go through chemo and radiation therapy? This is such a hard battle for me just because I am a person who LOVES to prove people wrong when they think I can't do/achieve things when I have huge obstacles in my life. Sitting here not knowing what to do with school is kind of heart breaking because I have been working my butt off hard for this past year. I mean I really can't rely 100% on what the treatment will be when we talk to the oncologist because we won't have the biopsy results.

I guess I will just wait until I know what my whole treatment plan will me. I don't want to stress my body out when it comes to treatment and I am trying to not worry about the unknown future. Ok vent/rant/ or whatever you want to call it, over with. Thanks for listening.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Results!!!

The results are IN!!! Yes, they are in! I knew who was calling when my phone rang. So are you wanting to know the results? Are you sure now? Should I hold off a bit more and maybe blog about it later?!?!?! Hmmmm.........ok, ok! I better just tell you all before one of my friends come to my house and strangle the news out of me. Drum Roll Please ...................... They will be Taking my BOOB!!! I repeat they will be taking the boob, nipple and all, lol. Yes I am serious they are going to take the breast. They saw that my right breast was fine, thank goodness. They noticed that my lymph nodes in my arm pits are larger than normal. The Dr. said that when Breast Cancer spreads it spreads in the armpit and that shows up as large lymph nodes. So THIS LADY (ME) has to go in for ANOTHER biopsy, lets see what number is that, ahhhhhh.....the 4th biopsy I believe. So I need to get that biopsy done to see if the cancer has spread. I won't get to hear about an appointment for the armpit biopsy til MAYBE Wednesday when the radiologist is there to view the MRI images.

The Dr. is very concerned about my nipple portion. They were not able to biopsy the nipple. So the Dr aka Surgeon will be taking my breast AND my nipple!! How dare she take me nipple, lol. Yes I am having fun with this. Its a way for me to handle all of this. On the plus side I can get a new bewb!! Woot woot!! So a lumpectomy is out of the question because more than 50% of my breast tissue will be take and she wouldn't leave the nipple either. I figured it would either be a lumpectomy or a mastectomy that would happen. Am I surprised about the results for the mastectomy? No, I am not. Just by feeling the lumps I figured that that would have to have happened. I would rather them take the whole breast if it means that the cancer is gone. Now I just need to know if the cancer spread to the lymph nodes or not.

So on Friday I have my Oncology appointment with a NEW Dr. My mom will go there with me so all the information won't go in one ear and out the other. So we will have questions of course. He will tell us the course of action for treatment. I do not know what stage the cancer is but I do know that my breast will be removed. I will be one boobed Jack! LOL!! I am sorry but I am happy that I have Breast Cancer of all cancers out there. I have to be happy because there is no other way to be. I know my outlook may sound weird but I am grabbing this Cancer Beast by the horns and riding it out of my body!! One way or another it will be out of me!! I would rather lose the boob than my life or anything else. I know that I will have more psychological issues but I rather it be that than anything else. My psychological issues would be due to the boob being gone but I will find a way to get my boob back lol.

But they are taking my boob. At least I know that is one course of my treatment. Friday I will know more information about Chemo and radiation therapy. Oh and on a Side note to people out there...... I AM NOT DYING!! I just have Breast Cancer! Yes, it's serious but that doesn't make me on my death bed. My family and friend are the best! I have THEE BEST PEOPLE in my life!! The band and support of family, friends and strangers is just amazing.

I will let you all know more once Friday comes around and of course I will blog before that.

Happy Monday!!

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

MRI

I know a lot of you have been waiting to hear back from me. I just got back in the house. I had to go take a test before the testing center closed. So we shall start from this morning.

First off I am dealing with a sick baby here, my Jamison. He was up and down all night. I didn't get much rest because my baby was not comfortable at all last night. He finally had a good sleep at around 5 am. I got up I don't even know what time. I got ready, dropped CJ off at school and I headed to school. LOL yes I went to school for about an hour and 20 min. My sister called to see if I had left her but I didn't  I rushed home. While I was in class I could not concentrate. I was absolutely scared. It is seriously hitting me. I mean I know I have breast cancer but it is hitting me of all all the appointments I will have in my near future and everything. Its just hitting me. I am still high spirited and that wont ever change. So it was pretty much a roller coaster while I was in class. It was hard to fight tears but I did manage it.

Now I come home to meet my sister and two nieces because they are going with me. My mom told us that she will be meeting us. We get to the imaging place and I feel out paper work and wait til my name is called. They call my name and my mom is still not there. I go and get in my gown and hospital pants get a lecture about whats going to happen and go to the prepping area. They give me an IV and I am waiting there. I asked if my mom could come back with me and they told me that she could. They go and get her but she's not there so I told them to go get my sister than if my mom isn't there yet. I head back to the MRI room and I get prepared. I have to lay on my belly and not move! The test takes 25 mins. I can't move at all. So before the test starts they let me know that my mom is in the room with me. Boy was I a bit relieved.

So the first round of testing starts. Let me tell you the most terrifying ever only because these images will let me know if the cancer has spread and what not. I am trying not to cry and once again I don't cry but it was so hard. I tried not to think about anything. It was SOOOOOO loud. Than my arm goes numb, and that is not the fun at all!!! My other arm starts to shake and that was very hard to calm myself down enough for it to stop shaking.

The second round is with contrast. I can feel it go up may arm. My whole arm turns cold and once again my other arm starts to shake. Once again I'm controlling my breathing and talking to myself in my head. All along I have music going and they are telling me how many minutes each image is going to take. By the end of the whole process my nerves where just wrecked. My arm was dumb and I was just tired. 25mins of not moving and having so many thoughts go through my head was not fun at all. The radiologist will read the images tonight and I should hear back from the Doctor on Monday. I am not sure which Doctor I will hear from, lol. And apparently I am suppose to have a follow up with the Doctor but once again not sure who. So I am glad that my MRI is done. Now I am just scared to find out what the MRI shows. How far is it? How extensive is the therapy going to be? So many questions are going through my head. Not only do I have all these questions going through my head I only have 3weeks left of this quarter to do. AHHHHHH!!!

Well that is all. Sorry for the long story. I am still feeling anxious about everything. And I'm scared.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Yayness!!!

LOL yes you read the title right. No you are not going crazy!! I am super excited and happy!! This morning didn't sound to promising to me. Both of the boys woke up not feeling well; one with a bad cough and the other with a warm temp. They are better now though. They stood home and I went to one class today because I left them with my sick sister.

So this morning before I headed to class I checked on the status of my authorization and it wasn't approved yet. I was a little sad. Than when I was in Anatomy class I checked online with my phone to see what the status was. I saw that it was APPROVED!!! I was so happy and very excited. I really wish I was around anyone who was just as excited as I was but I was in class. I am so eager to get this treatment started. I am prepared as I can be. I have to much in my future that needs to be accomplished and this isnt going to hold me back. This is just another obstacle and stepping stone that I will over come. Another chapter to put into my book with all my past chapters. I am ready to start this process and I am the luckiest person to have so many people who are so supportive and who are going to be with me each and every step!!

So my MRI is Wednesday at 12:10 yes that does mean that I am leaving my anatomy class early and missing out on my psychology and math class again. I am sorry but my health is very important to me so it has to be done!! I am ready to start. More ready than I ever will be. So that is the update!!

I am Happy!!

Sorry if you read this before and it was all coded weird. I did not mean for it to do that. I also shortened it as well because I forgot what I wrote and I could figure it out again.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

The Waiting Game

It is Sunday and I am patiently waiting for Monday to arrive. I was suppose to call Friday to set up my appointment for my MRI but that didn't happen. It didn't happened not because I didn't call, I called them 3 times. It didn't happen because they are waiting for Authorization from the insurance. I gave them 2 calls in the morning before I headed of to my classes and they couldn't do anything, so I went to my classes and hoped that I would hear something from them by the time I got home. Of course I heard nothing so I gave them a call. They were still waiting for the authorization. It was getting closer to 4pm and called again and by this time they kind of knew who I was. I was known as the one who needs the MRI of her breast done. Still no Auth. By this point I'm anxious and getting a bit frustrated so I called my Doctors office and was told they sent in the Auth to the insurance company. I called the insurance company and was told that my Auth was pending so I asked them what they needed. I got the information about what they needed for them to approve it. I called my doctors office back and told them. Then this is when the all the phone calls started going on. Since I had the surgeon diagnose me with the Breast Cancer I had to get a hold of their office but I still needed my doctor to send in the physical examination. Of course they wanted to try to argue with me saying that they didn't need to send in anything that they sent in the request. Little did they know that 1. I use to work in the medical field myself and send in auth forms to insurance companies and 2. that I use to work for tricare care. I told her that I understood that I need to get the paper work from the other doctor but because MY doctor was the one that sent me in for the mammogram and the ultrasound that I needed that initial physical exam which sent me to everywhere. So hopefully they sent it. Thank I called the surgeons office and was told that they couldn't just send the insurance company my records that they needed the insurance company to fax them of something saying what they needed. Well if the auth was pending apparently they set the fax to the office. So I am also hoping that the lady in Medical Records called the insurance company like I asked her too. All of this calling and talking was very exhausting! So as of right now I am still waiting for Authorization for the MRI.

I am continuing to live a normal life. I did my every Saturday thing. I went to my CJs soccer game with Michael and my parents and than we went out to lunch. Later on we went to the Movies to watching Breaking Dawn part 2. It was very good. I did talk about the breast cancer and had a few laughs. I was doing fine until the end of the night driving back home from the movies. In the dark I started to cry. Sometimes everything just comes rushing to me and there isn't much that I can do but just cry. To much to try to explain why I cry but I know that my body needs the release of the tear so I don't hold the tears back. Everyone is just as anxious and just as frustrated that I still don't have my appointment scheduled for the MRI. It is now just the waiting game and I really do hope that they kick into gear here tomorrow.

I am very blessed to have so many people sending prayers my way. It has helped me get through my days and has helped me stay strong and stay together. I know that it is ok to break down and it does happen. We shall see how today goes. Sundays are my homework days and I do already have all my homework laid out and ready to go. So Happy Sunday everyone!

Friday, November 16, 2012

The Day After

Day 1: This morning I woke up before my alarm clock even went off. I was up at 6am and the first thing I did was cry. I cried for an hour. The tears just didn't stop. Apparently it was something that needed to be done because I couldn't control my tears. Good thing the boys were still sleeping and I didn't have to answer to my 5yr old as to why I was crying. It is an emotional roller coaster and I am trying my hardest not to think of it. I know that there are many people who are wanted to know what the course of treatment will be. I do not know the course of treatment. Once I find out I promise I will let everyone know. I will not leave you all in the dark. I need your support to help me get through this. I am not one to ask for help but I know with this I can't do it on my own.

When I woke up I checked my facebook (what am I to do in the dark, lol) and I had SOOO many posts. All of the prayers, love, positive energy and thoughts are so good. I honestly think that is what is holding me together and not crumbling on the floor. There is so much love being send my way it is absolutely amazing. I have a great group of friends and family. I have strangers I don't even know praying for me, a stranger as well to them. Positive words and love coming from them as well. While I was up this morning I did ask the question "why me?" would you like to know my own answer to my question? I answered back to myself "why not you? You can do this. You can beat it. Its not going to be an easy battle but YOU can do this." I do believe with everything in me that I can and I will beat this cancer that has taken place on my left breast by my heart. I hope that the Cancer feels suffocated with how huge my heart as grown overnight from all the love and support from everywhere! Cancer you are not welcomed here. You are never welcomed in anyone at all. Boy oh boy this cancer sure did pick the wrong person. Wouldn't you think that this cancer would know that we do not deal with this and will beat it to all hell?(sorry for the language)

My hooker friends (no not real hookers, crocheters) have posted on their pages about me. I am just so speechless that these ladies that I have come to known and love and never met in my life are sooo supportive. So many people have already come together for me. I am just so humbled. I can not put into words how Thankful I am for all the prayers from everyone. I have an amazing support system with my family and now all of you! I am beyond blessed.

Thank you all so much for the prayers, love and positive energy and thoughts coming my way. I will be blogging more often on this journey of Battling Breast Cancer. So I will let you all know as well as blog about it. Thank you so much for Prayer for a Stranger who is a Mother, Daughter, Sister, and a Cousin to so many. My family and I truly appreciate it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Breast Cancer

I honestly do not know how to start this blog out. I have no way of making what I have to say "pretty". Today, 15 Nov 2012 at 4:06 pm I got a phone from my Doctor with the result of my biopsy. I was told that I have Breast Cancer. Yes, I have breast cancer at the age of 28. It is still shocking to me. I cried but every time I see or hear or write Breast Cancer I get all teary eyed and I want to break down. I did my crying and I called the family to let them know. I had just got down with my therapy session and I picked up my boys from where my sisters where at. We were in the car leaving the high school and we were singing "shine bright like a diamond" and my phone rang. It was the Doctors office. She let me know that they got the results back. She could tell that I was driving and she asked me if this was a good time to talk. When she said that I knew something was not right with my results. So as I put my ear phone in my ear I was ready to hear what she had to tell me. That's when she told me that the results came back with me having breast cancer. I could not break down and cry because I was driving with my boys in the car. What more could I do but tell her Thank you for letting me know. She was amazed at how upbeat I was. I can't let this get me down. Yes it absolutely sucks that I have breast cancer. I don't want it. She kept apologizing to me about the results. I told her it was alright because at least what know what it is and we can figure out the treatments now. I am still so baffled that this is happening to ME!! I have Breast Cancer! It hasn't really sunken in. I have so much to look forward to. So no I am not going to let this beat me. If it does beat me made it is sure going to have one Hell of a Fight. I will not let this defeat me! There is a reason why this is happening to me. I feel like this wouldn't have been handed to me if I wasn't able to handle it. I am not sure how far it is but once I have my MRI done we will now. From there we will do our treatment plan.

I can say that I have the best support group of family and friends behind me. I know that they will be there helping me along this journey. PLEASE, PLEASE check your breasts. This includes you males as well. This all happened with just a cut on my nipple back in April that never healed and it started to hurt me very badly and than I felt a lump. If you have a history of breast cancer in your family please do your monthly self examines. You are probably saying this won't happen to me, it can't. Let me tell ya Breast Cancer or any cancer doesn't discriminate.

I will do my best to blog my journey of this breast cancer beat down. I just wanted to put into words everything. Yes I know it isn't much but I just don't have words to say. I am shocked that this is happening to me. I am not even going to question why. I am just glad that it is found and we can treat it. Depending on the treatment I have to go through will determine if I will continue onto winter quarter.

I am off to bed or going to try to go to sleep. Talk to you all later.