I am sitting here at the dinner table suppose to be doing math and anatomy homework but of course my mind is wondering; go figure, huh? There is just so much going on in my head. My quarter will be done in two weeks and I am afraid that I won't be able to pass two out of the three classes. Yes, this diagnosis has gotten in the way of my learning and I am upset that I let it. For all of you that do not know I am going to college to become a Nurse. I have one quarter left of prerequisites before I can apply for the Nursing program.
Here is the issue: I don't know how extensive my treatments are going to be. Yes, I know that my breast is getting removed but the question that is still lingering is did the cancer spread to my armpit? A part of me wants to still go forth with my winter quarter and do all three classes I am signed up to do just to prove to people that I can do it while being "sick". Then there is another part of me that is telling me to just wait and not do the winter quarter. So I am in a battle with myself as to what to do with winter quarter. I have been on the go with college for a whole year and I don't know what I would do if I didn't have classes to attend too BUT I also don't want to have all these classes and it turns out to be that its to much stress for me at the time.
I have my oncology appointment on Friday, but (YES another but, lol) the consultation won't be 100% because we don't have the biopsy result of the armpit. So should I wait it out and not do winter quarter or do I just think that I am going to do winter quarter as if I was still healthy and not "sick"? Or do I plan on just taking winter quarter off with thinking that I am going to have to go through chemo and radiation therapy? This is such a hard battle for me just because I am a person who LOVES to prove people wrong when they think I can't do/achieve things when I have huge obstacles in my life. Sitting here not knowing what to do with school is kind of heart breaking because I have been working my butt off hard for this past year. I mean I really can't rely 100% on what the treatment will be when we talk to the oncologist because we won't have the biopsy results.
I guess I will just wait until I know what my whole treatment plan will me. I don't want to stress my body out when it comes to treatment and I am trying to not worry about the unknown future. Ok vent/rant/ or whatever you want to call it, over with. Thanks for listening.