Monday, April 29, 2013

One Heck of a Week

OMG! Last week was CRAZY!! I am so glad that it is OVER with! So much happened that I do not even know how I managed to do everything! So let's start off with Chemo day!

Tuesday- Everything was going great. I was in a great mood, the sun was shining, my knitting instructor stopped and chatted; it was easy!
Ready for the Battle!
Everything was going great and I was dressed for the task that was laid before me that day. My dad got us some AMAZiNG food from The Rainbow Cafe! 
Best Chicken Soup Ever!!
Chemo was rocking on and I was knitting and crocheting. Doing my thang! 
Than as we round the corner to my easy herceptin something happened to my port! The nurse hooked me up but the IV pump kept saying something was wrong. So my nurse checked out my port. Well, this is where the fun began! We could get blood out of my port but NOTHING would go in! We couldn't flush the port at all! They have had patients where they couldn't get blood out but could flush it. It has happened to me before but what was going on this time was the FIRST EVER!! None of the nurses have ever seen this happen. How could they get blood out but nothing in?!?! They adjusted the port and nothing! The kept pulling blood out and nothing. They took the needle out and re accessed my port again. Still nothing would go in. They even tried to get the medicine that dissolves clots in and it just wouldn't budge. They took the needle out AGAIN and sticked me AGAIN but this time they put the dissolving medicine on the needle. So we waited 20 min and then they tried the port. This time they could flush the port! YAY! BUT they couldn't get any blood out!!!! What the Heck?!?!?!?! Something was going seriously funky with my port. The nurses had no idea what was going on. They called the Dr and he wanted a dye test done on my port. What?!?! I started to freak out! What if my port wasn't working? What if I needed a new port? Is my chemo going to be delay? OMG I didn't want any of that! So the nurses where trying to get me in to get a dye test that day. While they were doing that this is what happened:
I finished off my chemo in my hand. OUCH! I hate IVs in my hand they are the worst! So I spent the last 30 minutes with this horrible thing in my hand. We were not able to get in to get a dye study that day. I was tired. I had been poked THREE times and I was not looking forward to getting poked again! I went home with my port still accessed.
It was very interesting to go home with the needle in my chest! 

So on Wednesday I went to Good Sam to have a dye study done on my port. I was as positive as I could be. They put the dye in and took the photos. I got to see my port INSIDE my body! It is FREAKING AMAZING!! I wish I took a photo so I could show you what the port looks like inside! The Radiologist Dr said nothing was wrong with my port. That everything was in working order. There were no kinks or rips the dye went where it needed to go, it didn't spill out. So what the heck is wrong with my port? I still don't know. The Dr said that my port could have a myelin sheath of connective tissue on it that was acting as a one way valve. So he explained that the possibility is that because the port was accessed correctly it may have needed to be adjusted a little bit. That when the nurses where try to get the blood draw back that the connective tissue was acting as a valve and pinching off the tube. So we will see what tomorrow brings!

Wednesday night- CJ and Grandpa go out to enjoy the good weather after dinner. They are outside riding their bikes and I am enjoying my time inside. Well than my dad comes into the house with CJ in his arms crying and bracing his arm. At this point I am just COMPLETELY DONE. I wanted nothing to do with anything. I was extremely exhausted. I was just stone cold exhausted (I feel bad now that I was like that) but I was just done with my week and I didn't want any more excitement. So we iced his elbow and I gave him some pain meds. We made a makeshift sling for his arm and I told him to head to sleep. Told him that if it was still hurting in the morning we would go to the Dr  All through the night my poor baby was in pain. He stood home and we went to the Dr the next morning.

At the Dr we got an x-ray! CJ was excited to see his bones! He was in pain when they made him extend his elbow but I think him being able to see his bones afterwards made it all the better lol.
We left the Dr and waiting to hear results. I get a call later that day saying that there is a fracture! Once I heard he had a fracture I felt HORRIBLE! My poor baby had a fracture and all I did was tell him to suck it up!! What a horrible mommy I was! So the nurse told me that he needed to see a pediatric orthopedic surgeon!  So I called and scheduled an appt and we got in on Friday!

At the orthopedic they examined him and looked at his x-rays again. She showed where the fracture was and CJ told her where he was in pain! So on went a cast! CJ was very excited about his first cast. I on the other hand felt like crap that my baby got a fracture! So he is in a cast for two week. We go back on the 9th to get x-rays and get the cast removed.
He decided to get a purple cast because that's both his and his grandmas favorite color. He is happy to have a cast on and NO it has not slowed him down. He is still bouncing off the walls and everything.

Saturday came and I chowed down like I had not eaten in weeks! My energy was low but I was still going. I was not wiped out like my last big chemo. Than Sunday came and OMG I felt like my bones wanted to break! It is the weirdest feeling EVER! My bones HURT!!! It literally is painful to lay down or sit down.  I am still in a bit of pain today but nothing like it was yesterday.

I had my blood draw today and my WBC are OFF the charts. They are so high. There are a few things that are really high and its making me scared. I like when I am in normal range but I freak out when I am low or high. I have NEVER seen my White Blood Counts this high EVER! I will find out what is going on tomorrow if it is something I need to worry about. 

Well I think I am going to get ready for bed. I hope you all enjoyed my week! LOL. Love you all!

Friday, April 12, 2013


Yes I am speechless. How can I be speechless? I don't know but I can tell you that when my heart is overfilled with love I become speechless and I don't ever had the right words to say but "Thank You". Wonder what I am talking about? Well lets see if I can explain and make sense about it all. 

When I was diagnosis with Breast Cancer on November 15,2012 I felt alone. Why? As soon as I got off the phone with the doctor I tried to get a hold of my mom who was at work and I couldn't get through. I called 3 times I believe. Than I tried to call my boyfriend and I got no answer. I didn't know who to call to tell them what I was told. I felt lost and alone even though I knew I wasn't really alone. My mom finally called me back and up til than I had not shed a tear. I couldn't get out the doctor said without crying. I burst into tears when I told my mom that the doctor said I have breast cancer. It was such a whirlwind of everything going on. I didn't know which way was up or down. My mom and I both cried. It was very hard to tell everyone else that I was diagnosis with breast cancer. I didn't want to believe it. It couldn't be happening to me. A single mom with two little boys to raise. Why me? Of course the infamous question. It didn't matter I was diagnosis with breast cancer end of story.

A lot of my family found out about my diagnosis through my blog post that I wrote. My mom also called my aunts and told them. Breast Cancer is not a stranger in our family unfortunately. Cancer in general isn't a stranger either to our family. It sucks and our family has many cancer survivors. I come from a family of fighters and we are strong fighters. We don't go down easy at all and that is IF we even do go down at all. 

With my diagnosis my family and I we were trying to not let it really suck us down to a deep dark nasty ugly hole of sadness. We have our good days and we have our bad days. We are strong. I have an enormous support group. My support group is all over the world and I know this! I have met other cancer patients and have become friends with them along with being each others support and rooting each other on. My family is very, very supportive. 

Awhile back I posted a blog about the surprise skype call I got from my family in California. I seriously was not having a good week and that Saturday I was not in the best of moods. My cancer had me in a deep dark place that I did not want to be in. All I had wanted to do that day was cry and be wrapped in a blanket. I didn't want to do a dang thing. Well I was a bit ticked because I was trying to have a good day out with Michael and the boys but we had to come back to watch the football game, blah! Well to my surprise my family had planned a get together in my honor. It was absolutely amazing and I was surprised. I cried. Never in my life would I think I would have this much support behind me. I am still astound at the amount of support that I do have. I am very blessed. I have had strangers enter my life who have inspired me and gave me motivation. I have been told that I am a motivation to others but I don't know how or why I am, all I am doing is fighting the fight.

So this is where I have become speechless. My family.......yes, my family has made me speechless. A few members of my family have permanently inked themselves with breast cancer ribbons in honor of myself, my cousin and aunt who have battled breast cancer. I don't ever know the right words to say and all that comes out is 'Thank You'. I mean I wish I could comment with the look on my face, the cheesy ass grin on my face and how cartoonish big my heart looks with it being imploded with all the love and support my family is showing. I can't explain into words how much having a support system means. There have been times when I just got so tired of this fight that I hated who I was. I didn't want ANYONE to see me go through this. I didn't want my boys to have to see me go through this. But with the support that I have behind me I have the courage to keep going on and fighting stronger than ever! 

Here is the ink that my family had put on them permanently:
Brother in law's tattoo

Sister Selina's Tattoo

Aunt Dora's Tattoo with all of our initials 

My Mom's tattoo

My cousin Becky's tattoo
I mean seriously what can I saw to this? All in my honor along with others too! I'm so awe struck. I do not have words to express how much this means to me! It does mean a lot to me. I just wish I was a master with words and that I could word things so magically and wonderfully. But thank you and I am honored that you would ink yourselves for me and many others! 

I don't say it often enough but Thank You EVERYONE for all of your continued support. I can not tell you how many times I have had a hard day and I get some random comment that makes me smile. I swear you all know when I need a lift. You are all the most wonderful support system that anyone could ever have! Though everyone is every important to me and you all mean a lot to me but my parents they are amazing. 

This whole breast cancer thing is an eye opener and I am sure many wonder why I live with my parents. I got separated back in 2011 and had no where to go but to come home to my family; my parents. We have been through a lot these past two years. Dealing with my separation and than when things started to go well with me being in college getting on my way to nursing school the cancer came. My parents have been there with me through it all! I could not have asked God for better parents. They are my rock!  Thank you mom and dad I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world right now than to be with you all fighting this nasty thing!

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Every single one of you are amazing and I am very blessed to have you all as my support. I am happy that I have such an amazing support system filled with amazing people like you. Thank you so much and I am honored that you all have done things in honor of me and others it touches my heart and leaves me speechless.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Stop and Touch Yourself!

Oh yes I did just say that! I want you all to stop for a moment and touch yourself. What? Why? Has she lost her mind? Well, what I really mean by touch yourself, I mean give yourself a self breast exam. Do it! It's not going to hurt, promise. Just take a moment to get to know your breast, this includes men as well. Breast Cancer does not discriminate at all. Men and Women get breast cancer don't think you are safe because you are a male or because whatever you think. Just remember it doesn't discriminate.

You can let breast cancer sneak up and bite you in the ass hard or be educated about it and know your breasts. Either way the diagnosis of breast cancer isn't an easy one to swallow but being able to catch it in its earlier stages can be done just by knowing your breasts. We can do so much to try to prepare and avoid cancer but when you have it you have and it sucks. I want to go up to everyone I know and ask them have you felt yourself lately? I know that a few of my friends where able to feel what my breast cancer felt like when I had my breast still. Did I feel weird that they were touching my breast? Naw! Why not you ask? Well seriously do you know what breast cancer feels like? Do you? More than likely not. I know I didn't until it snuck up on me. Why would I not let my friend feel what an abnormal lump feels like? It does not feel like a normal lumpy breast but it is hard. So I did let my friends and family; those who wanted to felt what my cancer felt like.

What is the purpose of my post? I just really want you all to take the time to do monthly exams. I don't want my friends or family have to go through what I am going through. It is not easy. Not one step of this is easy at all. I am not the same person I was last year around this time and I wont be the same person next year around this time either. This experience has changed me. It has opened my eyes. It has brought me down and has lifted me up. It has showed me what I am grateful for. Showed me that even though I may have my tough times I have my family and friends who are behind me to help lift me up.

I am that person. What person you ask? Well I am the my mom's, friends, coworker daughter had breast cancer. Or my friends friends cousin......when you are diagnosis with cancer it effects A LOT of people. People I have NEVER met are effected because they know me somehow. People reach out in ways I have never imagined. I am blessed. I am grateful. I am so happy that I was able to wake up today and continue my fight.

I want to share with you all something that my Mom's coworker gave to her. It is an eye opened. Its more like WOW!

This is something interesting and this is what is making me write my post. My mom's coworker gave her this key chain. Each bead on this represents the different stages, if you want to call it that.  I will explain a bit more about it. But the beads go from largest to smallest.

As you can see the card says that the largest bead (pink) is what someone would feel who is untrained in breast self exams. So if you don't check your breasts monthly and decide to this is probably the size the breast cancer would be. The bead measures 1 1/2 inches. I want to say that my lump was between the pink and brown bead. Did I do monthly breast exams? No I didn't. Do I wish I would of? Well of course I do. Do I want to encourage everyone to start doing them regularly? YES!! PLEASE PLEASE check yourself. Do it for me, do it for your self. 

The Brown Bead (second largest) is what could possibly be detected for an occasional breast self exam. The bead above that one is regular breast self exam, and the rest of them are first mammo and yearly mammo. Now which would you like to see? Ya of course what a dumb question right? I wouldn't want to see any of these sized lumps in my breast but if you had to choose which size would you want? Me? Personally I would want the smaller ones!

Remember that the beads represent the different size lumps that could be found using these self detection. A lot of what I posted is personal experience. Everyone is different. All I ask is that you educate yourselves and touch yourselves once a month. Make sure your boobies are doing ok. I don't want any of you to have to experience cancer of any type. It is exhausting and life changing. But please do me a favor and check yourself out. 

Well I think I will stop my blabbing on and on. Cancer is no fun. Please all I ask is to check yourself out. I am off now. Time to get some energy since I have been lacking it lately. 

Tata for now!