Thursday, October 31, 2013


Today is the last day of October and it is Halloween as well. This month has kind of been hard on me. I am not going to lie and say it was an easy month, it wasn't. October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and I did my best to make people aware of this awful disease. As I struggle daily with knowing what I have I do my best to look at the bright side of everything, but sometimes it just doesn't help. I become withdrawn and sucked into a numb vortex.

As I type this I am crying for reasons that are unknown to me at the moment. I never thought in my life that I would have Breast Cancer. Never in my life would I think Breast Cancer Awareness would be so important to me and so much MORE important to inform others of the risks of NOT performing monthly checks. Checking yourself will save your life. Trust me I was that person for YEARS who thought it was super silly to check my breasts. Though I wish i wasn't because who knows I may have caught it sooner. By the time I found my lump....I had lumps and it spread. Do I want any of this for anyone else? HELL NO!!!

Living with Breast Cancer or any kind of cancer is hell. Every ache or pain can be a number of things but for me the first thing that comes to me is: Has my cancer spread? Are my headaches due to stress or did the cancer already spread to my brain? What about my bone ache? Where I am achy is that the same place where my cancer was spotted on my spine? So many things run through your mind. Than I try to fake myself with other things and be like oh no can't be my cancer, but than when I get in contact with my Doctors and their Nurse's everything is rushed to find out what is going on. Then reality kicks in that I am at Stage 4 and we can't dismiss anything at all. Prevention is the best thing for you. I am talking to both women and MEN!! Yes! Men get breast cancer too! Check yourself!

At the end of September I saw my Oncologist and found out that I wasn't going to have my PET scan til December. I was not too happy about this but there are reasons that are unknown to me as to why the scan got pushed back. When I returned to see my Oncologist 3 weeks later I had so much to tell him and so much on my mind. I got my tumor count labs done and that was a big sigh of relief.
As you can see from the photo that my markers keep going down!! This is a good thing and I was able to breathe a big breath. But still this doesn't put me at ease. I don't think anything ever will. I will always forever be haunted by breast cancer. Will I let it consume me? Hell no! I have to much going on in my life to let breast cancer get a hold of me and suck me in completely. I just can't do that to my boys, family,friends, my boyfriend and to myself.

I have tried to make people aware of Breast Cancer. I have posted photos of what I have gone through.
This is a photo that I posted on my personal page, my group page and my fan page. Along with this photo this is what I wrote: Good Morning Everyone! It is October 1st and that means the start of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I know what I am about to post I will lose some fans but I hope that in my posting I can save some people out there. This is not crochet related and this is personal. As you all know I am a Breast Cancer Patient so this month means a lot to me. I have stage 4 triple positive breast cancer. I want to share with you all the effects of breast cancer from the ugly to the good. This is a disease that is out there. It is not fake and it is not pretty. So many men and women have been taken away from us because of this disease. We need to find a cure for Breast Cancer.....we need to find a cure for ALL Cancers!! This disease needs to be stopped!! So many families have been affected by this. Together we can find a cure. 

Now I am going to tell you my brief story.

November 15, 2012 at the age of 28 I was told I had breast cancer. I was a full time student and a single mother of 2 boys. The year before my husband left me and I was getting my life back on track. When I heard my diagnosis I didn't know what to think. Was I not on the right path and God was telling me with this diagnosis? So much ran through my mind. I couldn't leave my children motherless, I wasn't ready to go, I had so much more to live for. When I was diagnosis I didn't know what stage I was at. When I first saw my oncologist I was possibly stage 2/3 but a pet scan would give us more info. I had my pet scan in December and found out I was stage 4. My cancer spread from my breast to my lymph nodes, on my fourth rib, my shoulder blade and my spine! I couldn't believe this! Stage 4!! I was so angry at my first Dr for dismissing my issue as a dry nipple/cut. I had my surgery Dec 28th, 2012 and a month later I started chemo. I had 6 rounds of chemo and 33 radiation treatments. As of right now I do not know where my cancer is. I will say that after my second round of chemo the pet scan had showed the my treatments were working. I am scared every day of every ache and pain because I do not know if it is my cancer. Feel yourself and do your self examinations. Do not let this ugly disease take a hold  of you! Be strong and fight. Fight to find a cure.

From my fan page, Urban Hookin', 4,532 people saw this post. It was shared 20 times. This doesn't count how many times it was shared from my personal page and seen by other people. I hope I made a difference. I hope I opened up some eyes. Feeling yourself isn't silly. It will save you!

I heard that from my photo that I posted that there were 2 or 3 (can't remember) ladies who were going to go get a mammogram because of my story. My boyfriends boss was inspired to create something to make others aware and to remind them to get their mammograms and this is what she did:
She made some Mammo-Grahams and gave them out to all her female friends and family......Well I wanted to do a slide show but just unclicked everything I had selected....hahahaha dur! Ok finally got what I wanted to do done.

I hope that I inspire others. I hope that I inspire my Pink Sisters. Don't give up! Keep fighting. Don't be consumed by the cancer. Be YOU! Live, laugh and LOVE with all that you are and all that you got. LIFE is precious! DO NOT TAKE IT FOR GRANTED!!! You never know how much your life means to you until a disease is wanting to take your life from you.

I hope and pray that all of you who see or read this is aware of their own body. Have you done your self breast check yet? Don't be scared go do it! Check your breast. I check mine all the time! I am scared too but I still do it!! 

I hope you can take one thing away from this blog or from me......Life is to precious to not care. I will continue to fight. I will never give up. I may cry and I may get tired of it but there is no way I will let it take me without a battle.

Love, Jackie

P.S. I am looking forward to December but I know I will be scared during the PET Scan. Have a great day and Happy Halloween!