Friday, April 12, 2013


Yes I am speechless. How can I be speechless? I don't know but I can tell you that when my heart is overfilled with love I become speechless and I don't ever had the right words to say but "Thank You". Wonder what I am talking about? Well lets see if I can explain and make sense about it all. 

When I was diagnosis with Breast Cancer on November 15,2012 I felt alone. Why? As soon as I got off the phone with the doctor I tried to get a hold of my mom who was at work and I couldn't get through. I called 3 times I believe. Than I tried to call my boyfriend and I got no answer. I didn't know who to call to tell them what I was told. I felt lost and alone even though I knew I wasn't really alone. My mom finally called me back and up til than I had not shed a tear. I couldn't get out the doctor said without crying. I burst into tears when I told my mom that the doctor said I have breast cancer. It was such a whirlwind of everything going on. I didn't know which way was up or down. My mom and I both cried. It was very hard to tell everyone else that I was diagnosis with breast cancer. I didn't want to believe it. It couldn't be happening to me. A single mom with two little boys to raise. Why me? Of course the infamous question. It didn't matter I was diagnosis with breast cancer end of story.

A lot of my family found out about my diagnosis through my blog post that I wrote. My mom also called my aunts and told them. Breast Cancer is not a stranger in our family unfortunately. Cancer in general isn't a stranger either to our family. It sucks and our family has many cancer survivors. I come from a family of fighters and we are strong fighters. We don't go down easy at all and that is IF we even do go down at all. 

With my diagnosis my family and I we were trying to not let it really suck us down to a deep dark nasty ugly hole of sadness. We have our good days and we have our bad days. We are strong. I have an enormous support group. My support group is all over the world and I know this! I have met other cancer patients and have become friends with them along with being each others support and rooting each other on. My family is very, very supportive. 

Awhile back I posted a blog about the surprise skype call I got from my family in California. I seriously was not having a good week and that Saturday I was not in the best of moods. My cancer had me in a deep dark place that I did not want to be in. All I had wanted to do that day was cry and be wrapped in a blanket. I didn't want to do a dang thing. Well I was a bit ticked because I was trying to have a good day out with Michael and the boys but we had to come back to watch the football game, blah! Well to my surprise my family had planned a get together in my honor. It was absolutely amazing and I was surprised. I cried. Never in my life would I think I would have this much support behind me. I am still astound at the amount of support that I do have. I am very blessed. I have had strangers enter my life who have inspired me and gave me motivation. I have been told that I am a motivation to others but I don't know how or why I am, all I am doing is fighting the fight.

So this is where I have become speechless. My family.......yes, my family has made me speechless. A few members of my family have permanently inked themselves with breast cancer ribbons in honor of myself, my cousin and aunt who have battled breast cancer. I don't ever know the right words to say and all that comes out is 'Thank You'. I mean I wish I could comment with the look on my face, the cheesy ass grin on my face and how cartoonish big my heart looks with it being imploded with all the love and support my family is showing. I can't explain into words how much having a support system means. There have been times when I just got so tired of this fight that I hated who I was. I didn't want ANYONE to see me go through this. I didn't want my boys to have to see me go through this. But with the support that I have behind me I have the courage to keep going on and fighting stronger than ever! 

Here is the ink that my family had put on them permanently:
Brother in law's tattoo

Sister Selina's Tattoo

Aunt Dora's Tattoo with all of our initials 

My Mom's tattoo

My cousin Becky's tattoo
I mean seriously what can I saw to this? All in my honor along with others too! I'm so awe struck. I do not have words to express how much this means to me! It does mean a lot to me. I just wish I was a master with words and that I could word things so magically and wonderfully. But thank you and I am honored that you would ink yourselves for me and many others! 

I don't say it often enough but Thank You EVERYONE for all of your continued support. I can not tell you how many times I have had a hard day and I get some random comment that makes me smile. I swear you all know when I need a lift. You are all the most wonderful support system that anyone could ever have! Though everyone is every important to me and you all mean a lot to me but my parents they are amazing. 

This whole breast cancer thing is an eye opener and I am sure many wonder why I live with my parents. I got separated back in 2011 and had no where to go but to come home to my family; my parents. We have been through a lot these past two years. Dealing with my separation and than when things started to go well with me being in college getting on my way to nursing school the cancer came. My parents have been there with me through it all! I could not have asked God for better parents. They are my rock!  Thank you mom and dad I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world right now than to be with you all fighting this nasty thing!

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Every single one of you are amazing and I am very blessed to have you all as my support. I am happy that I have such an amazing support system filled with amazing people like you. Thank you so much and I am honored that you all have done things in honor of me and others it touches my heart and leaves me speechless.

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