I am not going to lie but I am absolutely scared. This whole breast cancer is just getting real and real each time. I know I have it I know I have to have treatment but I am not sure I have let it all sink in yet. It is sinking in little by little and I am so scared!! I know it is going to be a fight and I will come out winning but by golly am I really ready? How can I be ready? I don't feel prepared at all! What can I do to be prepared? How does one prepare to fight a battle like this? I don't have the slightest clue at all. I don't even know where to start to be honest. I am still positive but these thoughts do cross my mind. I am 100% sure that I will be coming out on top of this battler. I will have my victory but am I really ready for this fight? Do I feel ready? No, I don't feel ready at all.
Anyways...... I got the call with the biopsy results and cancer is in the arm pit as well. So my surgery will be the whole breast and the arm pit lymph nodes. I will be scheduled for a full body scan to make sure that the cancer has not spread to any other organ in my body. The bone scan came back negative so YAY no cancer in the bones. The doctor said that if it spread it would spread to the liver and than to the brain. Ya, so many thoughts going through my head. To many to be honest. All I want to do is just cry and cry and cry. I don't want this cancer to be any where else in my body. Isn't it enough that its in my breast and its taking that away?!?! Why would it want to invade other parts? If only it could speak back, huh?
Tomorrow I should be getting a call back with three appointments. One appointment will be the body scan, another with the surgeon and the third with a plastic surgeon to talk about reconstruction. So many ways of treatment are possible BUT we won't know the course 100% until ALL test procedures are done. I am still waiting on the genetic testing to see if the gene is in me or not. So not only will I have to wait for that but also this body scan. BLAH!!! I am already exhausted thinking of all of this.
I just wanted to give you the news I received. I am scared.