Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Trust and Faith

How do I trust again? When the person that I trusted something with so special to me could just toss it to the side in a blink of an eye. I want to trust again whole heartily but how can I do that again? I mean, come on I believed in my marriage vows that I took and trusted that he would be here for better or worse. We had worse for a moment and off he went.

I want to trust again. Trust is another one of those important foundations in a relationship. I can trust someone but the question is can I trust them enough to hold my heart? I one day will want someone to hold my heart but my question is do i take the chance at trusting them to hold it? I know that it will take awhile to trust my heart in someone's hand again. I just hope the person I am with is understanding because the wait is well worth it.

This isn't my first divorce, this is going to be my second. I was young and I had to get go of my first husband. I didn't realize the pain that he went and dealt with when going through our divorce. It took me years to finally write to him and to apologize for the way I acted and the pain that I put him through. He is now happily married and just had a baby. It took me to be in this situation to realize the pain he probably went through. Where I am has opened my eyes big time. I was blindsided by the person I loved. No one should EVER have to deal with being blindsided by someone that they trusted. Nor should anyone have to deal with the pain and hurt that one goes through.

I have faith that I will love again. I have faith that I will get married once more. I have not lost faith in. most people probably would if they were in my shoes. I thought that I was married to my soul mate but that's not the case. If he was my soul-mate he would be here and not have left the way he did. there is someone out there for me. Love heals all wounds as well as time.

I will learn to trust again but it will take time. this heart of mine has gone through so much but in the end it will be stringer. I will have learned from my mistakes. I will love with all of my heart one day because I still have faith in love and will learn hot to trust once more.

I know that my journey to recovering will be a long one. As I walk through my journey I will learn to be able to trust once again. I will become the person that I lost years ago and be even better. I will be stronger. I will be  more wise. In the end I will trust and I will never lose faith in anything.

****Sorry I know this post was all over the place. There was a point to it but I lost where I was going with it. So all I did was just continued it, lol. Sorry about that!*****


Julie said...

Well written Jackie even if you think you went all over the place. You will be able to trust again, it may be awhile, it may be a short period of time, but soon you will be able to. God has a plan for you and he has that perfect person waiting for you and He will bring you two together, it may be when you least expect it, but I know He will. Keep trusting God and he will never fail you!

J.Jones said...

Thanks Lala! I know he has a plan I just have to remember that its all in his hands. He is reminding me and showing me that.

Alayna's Creations said...

I think you're handling it beautifully. I would worry if you DIDN'T have feelings and rants like this sometimes. That's how you process things. It doesn't make us stronger to keep from feeling or expressing our feelings - it makes us stronger if we accept them, recognize them, then push through that and do what we need to do anyway. And that's what you're doing so keep it up!

J.Jones said...

Thank you Alayna. I never thought that I would be able to handle this as well as I am doing. My boys seriously do help me through a lot of my tough times. They are the reason why I am handling this well and knowing that it will be better in the end.