Tuesday, December 17, 2013

A Year to Celebrate!

Yes it is a year to celebrate! No, I am not out of the woods from this whole cancer journey at all. I am here today to celebrate my 30th birthday! A day last year I didn't know if I would see this day (does that make sense?).

December 17, 2012 I saw my surgeon for a preop appointment and we asked about my PET scan results. What was told to us was something no one ever wants to hear. My PET scan had shown that my cancer had reached my brain. I can not tell you everything that went through my mind. Let me tell you I did see my life flash before me. My main concern was and still is my boys! What would happen to them?! I was told that I would live about 2 years maybe. A lot of what the doctor said to me I did not hear. It was very hard to hear this news. My parents where there with me and all we could do was cry. I was in even more shock. I had just been diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer and now I was told I would live long. It was all so hard to swallow. This was my birthday gift last year.....not knowing if I would be here today.

My oncologist ordered an MRI to be done of my brain to see if what was seen in the PET scan was the cancer or not. We had the MRI and we waited for what seems like FOREVER!! We got the results and my cancer DID NOT spread to my brain! A huge weight was lifted off all our shoulders and our hearts some much more lively to fight harder!! We were given hope! It is hard to write this and to relive these memories that seem all to fresh as if it were just yesterday that all this happened.

This past year has been hell! I have fought hard and I continue to fight hard. I worry every day about what is happening in my body.....but today......today I will celebrate ME!! To celebrate my birth and to celebrate a year that I didn't know if I was ever going to see!! I am still here standing! No I did not go down!! So please celebrate with me. This is a big birthday for me.....ya I am turning 30 and that is all too exciting too but.....I'm still here! Do you not understand how happy I am to be able to say I'm here today when I thought I wouldn't have been last year!

It is crazy how something that is so destructive and give your life a whole new perspective. To be appreciative of everything and everyone in your life. To learn how to LIVE in the moment that you get. I have seen who has been here for me through it all and I have seen those who have left without looking back! To see my friends and family who stood up with me and said I will fight right along side you. I will never leave your side! I wish I could gather us all in one place to celebrate today together. This is a big deal to me and I am sorry if you are one who may be rolling your eyes. One will never know how important it is to live to see one more year when your year last year was threaten and it still is with uncertainty.

There are many people who have supported me and have given me strength when I was too weak. There were days that I cried and asked why me? I didn't want my parents to have to take care of ME their DAUGHTER.....wasn't it suppose to be me taking care of them when they got older? We have had many triumphs throughout this year. I will name some that I can remember there are probably others that I can not remember and I am sorry for that....gotta love the side effects of chemotherapy.

1. Diagnosis
2. Surgery
3.First day of chemo
4. Full range of motion in left arm
5. PET scan showed that chemotherapy KILLING the cancer cells!!
6. Susan G. Komen 5k walk
7. Radiation Completed!

This is just the little but that I can remember.....there has been many more that have happened over the last year! Now do you see why this birthday is so special to me?!?! Let's celebrate my life....literally! I mean it!! Share with me a memory or something! I am so happy to still be standing here today. I am so happy with all the new friends I have made (even though it was this evil disease that brought us together), my friends who have become like my sisters and everyone who has stuck with me through EVERYTHING.

I am going to end this because I will be repeating myself over and over again! Hey!! Guess what?!?!?! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!! I am 30 years old!!! I am alive!! I am living and I am very blessed!!! Help me make this celebration a great one! Love you all!!

1 comment:

Aunt Wanda said...

May God continue to be with you, the boys, Michael, and the rest of your family! Our thoughts and prayers are with you all. We love and admire you, Jackie!
Aunt Wanda & Uncle Mike