Tuesday, September 20, 2011

When I hurt, They Hurt!

You know how you always hear that your children know when you are hurting even when they don't know how to communicate? Well I can tell you first hand that this is so true! Since our situation the boys have been more aware of emotions. I swear they have grown up so quickly because of this. Its really sad because they are to young to be trying to deal with all of these emotions that this separation has brought upon us all! I wish I could take away all of their worry and concerns. Here are a few examples of what I mean when I saw when I hurt they hurt.

When I am on the phone with their dad and it gets heated up I walk to another room so the boys do not have to hear or see. CJ does a great job at saying in the other room. However my little munchkin Jamison is at that age where he follows mommy everywhere. I can not cry with out my poor baby feeling the emotion as well. He will cry so hard. He will stop crying once I have stopped. He will cuddle me until we are both feeling better. He is too young to have to deal with this! Its not fair to them that they can sense all the hurt and pain that I am going through and they go through it as well. CJ asked me EVERY day if I am happy. It hurts that he is so worried about me. I get a "Mommy are you Happy?" "Mommy are you Sad?" "Mommy are you crying?" "Mommy why are you crying?" He is only 4! He doesn't need to be worried about me. He should be having fun and not caring much really. You know being a kid. He has grown up far beyond his years in such a short amount of time.

I hate that my babies sense and worry about so much when they don't need too. I can't sniffle(nose) around CJ because he INSTANTLY thinks that I am crying! I have to tell him repeatedly that I am not crying that I am happy. It will happen out of the blue if we are just chilling out and watching a show. He will come up to me and ask me "Mommy are you Happy?" Why does he worry so much? We are all going through so much but I want my boys to be the kids that they are suppose to be. To not have a worry in the world!

So just a reminder you children do sense and feel what you are going through. They can feel it and do not think for one moment that they don't feel or sense it. They absolutely 100% feel everything you are dealing with. I don't know what I could do for my children so they don't have to worry about things that are far beyond their years. At times I think I may have failed when it comes to that. I do know that I am showing them that its ok to have these emotions and I get to show them how to deal with it the right way. When CJ asks why I am crying I don't say because your dad made me cry, no way! I just tell him that my heart hurts and that I need to cry. He is learning how to express his feelings and frustrations as well. All of this is a learning process that we are learning together. I know its not going to happen over night. I just want my children to know that mommy will be ok and that they don't need to worry about me. That the best medication for me is their love that they show.

My children are my world and I wouldn't know what to do if I didn't have them! When they hurt I hurt. When I hurt they hurt. This is a learning process for us all and we are working and dealing with it. My children need to be children.

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