My Story

I am not sure if I every sat down to write my story, my journey. It has been a whirl wind and a nightmarish hell with a dose of sunshine. I have many people tell me I am an inspiration to them and that I am so positive through all this but I try not to post anything to negative. It is a hard battle and I have been negative. So here I am, I am going to tell you my story of the last two years.

June 2011 I learned that my husband wanted to separate and that was a big devastation to me. I didn't know what to do as I was a stay at home mom to a than 9 month old and a 3 year old. My children and I moved from VA to WA after I found out that my husband didn't want to stay married. I was shocked, hurt, and living a nightmare. I was in to much pain and I didn't want to hate all men out in the world so I seeked helped and starting talking to a counselor. With this separation I missed 6 months of my children's lives. I only remember what we did because of photos to help but without those photos to document what went on I wouldn't have know what to do. It took a long minute to get my head on straight but I got it one as straight as I could with the help from my family, friends and counseling.

January 2012 I started winter quarter of college. This was a HUGE step for me. My journey to get educated and be able to support my children was beginning. I went to college winter, spring, and summer quarter. Everything was going well. I had a 3.something high GPA. I was passing my classes I was just that much more closer to starting the nursing program. Than came fall quarter. All I had to do was finish fall and winter quarter than I could apply for the nursing program. But of course things changed during fall quarter. I felt a lump.

Now my breast cancer journey begins. So I felt a lump in my left breast. Earlier in April I had a cut at the base of my nipple that wouldn't heal. I started getting shooting pains back up to my arm put. I braced myself and I felt the lump. I didn't think anything of it. It took me about a week or so before I made a call to get an appt. I had told my Doctor about the cut and the lump. She examined me and immediately said she was sending to get a STAT ultrasound, mammogram AND biopsy because it could be one of three things. She said that it could be a clogged milk duct, an infection or breast cancer but we had to run test to see what was going on.

I left the Dr. office and everything sunk in. I COULD have Breast Cancer! I sat and I cried, I was scared. I gathered myself up and headed off to class. I was in a daze but I really had to focus because what was the sense of worrying over something I didn't know what it could be. No sense in wasting energy just yet.

I had a biopsy 11/7/12 but I had to go back the following week to get another biopsy done because it was suppose to be a biopsy guided by ultrasound. When I had my ultrasound appt and my mammogram appt they saw calcification and they wanted to get that biopsy. I tried to do what I could do when waiting for the results. I tried to be happy. I tried to not worry but I did.

 I did my best to try and still be me! To not let the unknown grab ahold of me and take me into a dark hole. I didn't want to be numb.

I had my second and third biopsy done 11/14/2012

See still trying to be as normal as possible. I went to school and I was in pain! I did homework...anatomy homework. I still continued going about my day. I was scared shitless.

Nov. 15, 2012 at 4:12 pm my boys and I were singing "shine bright like a diamond" when my phone rang. I answered it and it was the surgeon. I knew something went wrong when she asked me if it was an okay time to talk. I told her it was. I was only 2min away from home anyway. She told me I have breast cancer. I didn't know what to think. I was shocked. I told her Thank you for letting me know and that I was ready to fight this battle. I told her what is the next step? Let's get this taken care of and out of my body. I was taking the diagnosis pretty well. I made it to the house with not a tear shed. I got off the phone with the surgeon and I had to call someone. I called my mom and she didn't answer. I think I called her twice. I called my boyfriend and he didn't answer. I felt alone! Than the tears started to come. I had just only really met my friend Sam but I had to call someone so I called her. I cried. I had to get off the phone with her because my mom was calling me back. I told my mom and we both cried. It still brings tears to my eyes remembering this. It was so hard to tell everyone. I was only 28 years old. I was going to be turning 29 in one month and 2 days. I told everyone but the hardest was having to tell my soon to be ex-husband. I told him and it was hard. I had really don't remember the rest of the night but from this picture I know I smiled.

Nov. 15,2012- Breast Cancer Diagnosis

When I was diagnosed I cried, I asked the whole why me?, I was mad, angry, frustrated, scared. I didn't know what was up  and down, left and right. Everything was just all over the place. I was NUMB! That numbness didn't last long. I DID NOT want to miss out on life because of Breast Cancer. I was NOT going to let Breast Cancer take me easy. If Breast Cancer wanted me it was going to have one hell of a fight.

Thanksgiving was hard, my birthday was hard, and so was Christmas. I learned that I had Triple Positive Breast Cancer and that I was at Stage IV! I wasn't very lucky to find it early unfortunately. We had a scare and they thought that the cancer had went to my brain. Thank the good Lord there ended up being no cancer in my brain but I had cancer in my lymphnodes, 4th rib, scapula and my L-5 in my spine. At 29yrs old I was a newly diagnosed stage IV Breast Cancer Patient. I had to have surgery. I wasn't given the choice of a lumpectomy because my LUMPS (yes more than one) where very large. I had to have a radical Mastectomy. My whole breast had to go. 

Thanksgiving

Heather and I
Birthday Party Thrown by Heather and Michael

Christmas

I enjoyed everything as best as I could. I took my 5year old to soccer practices and games. I tried to continue on with school. Old friendships because new friendships. The amount of support I received was unbelievable. So many people reached out to me and are STILL reaching out to me. I was blogging and letting everyone know what was going as best as I could. Don't get me wrong during all this I was crying, mad, and angry. There was a point where I was so scared that I wouldn't get to live a long time.

I didn't understand why this was happening to me. I asked "haven't my boys gone through enough already?" For them to have their father walk out on us and than to have a mom who has breast cancer. It was all so scary. There were nights that I laid in bed thinking about all the what ifs. There where plenty of nights that I cried myself to sleep. I couldn't take the whirl wind. I turn to God. There has to be a lesson....something wasn't going the way He planned. This was a way to remind Me that I was not 100% in control of my life. I had a path that I needed to follow and journeys with bumps in the road that I had to go through. Breast Cancer now became a bump in my road. I put everything into the Lords hands.

December 28, 2012 I had my radical mastectomy. I was going to have a double mastectomy but at the last minute I changed my mind.

 I was ready to get the nasty cancer out of my body. Scared to all hell of the surgery but I knew that I would be just fine. My support is amazing! All I wanted to do was get the surgery done, recover and start my journey to smashing cancer.

This is what I woke up looking like (well not really because my hair was disastrous)

 I was TIRED and sore. My mom did my hair, found my hook up site for chemo and I still had my surgical marking on me.

I am not going to lie at all......it was HARD looking at my new body. It was hard knowing what cancer took. It was an adjustment. I cried and good thing it was just me in the room. No one can prepare you for what your body will look like after surgery.

I was very happy to get home and be with my family and children. I wanted to heal and continue my battle.

My first chemo was January 29th and I was scared, very scared. I didn't know what to expect. I wasn't sure if chemo was going to hurt me at all. Good thing I had both of my parents with me by my side.

Though my first chemo was scary I had a smile on my face and was able to laugh. The nurses were amazing and nice!

I struggled with everything going on. All of my support helped me get out of my dark holes that I was in. I can not thank my support enough. They will never know how much they mean to me and they will never know that each time they talked to me or thought about me and shared with me that they were doing it when I needed it the most. Everything was always at the right moment. 

My oh my....this journey had been incredible. It has been a roller coaster. It IS hard. There were days when I felt like complete crap. Other days I felt amazing! Trying to find the bright side of things made it easier. I was grateful to be alive one more day. I started living my life one day at a time. When death knocks at your door and you choose to fight for your life you wake up! You have a wake up call that you didn't expect to receive. Yes, I know that we will all end up dying but we never know when! With my diagnosis it was more like "hi I am here and I am trying to take you now!" To me I was NOT going to let that happen. I was going to do my VERY best to stay here on this Earth as long as I can and I will do everything in my power to live. To live for my boys, my family. If cancer was going to take me it was going to have to fight to take me. I was not going to let it take me easy, no way.

How could I not be happy with these two boys in my life? My heart, my everything. When I felt like I couldn't go on or take anymore I just looked at my children and knocked the thoughts out of my head. I was going to live. 

Another hard part of this journey was seeing my hair fall out. It was very hard. I lasted as long as I could before I couldn't take it any more.

 The last time I brushed my hair I couldn't finish doing it. I had taken a shower and was slowly combing my hair out. There was a huge tangle at the back of my head. I KNEW that the whole clump was coming out. My hair was falling out more and more. I HATED waking in the mornings because my pillow was covered in my hair. My mother and my sister came to me while I was combing my hair. They where observing me and than I broke down. They embraced me in their arms and took over combing my hair out. I cried the whole time they combed my hair. That weekend I went and got my head shaved. That was very hard but I had my children, my family and my boyfriend with me. I could do anything with all my support there to life me.

I still struggle today with everything. I am still trying to love my body. I have completed my 6 cycles of chemo therapy. My last pet scan showed that my chest cavity, 4th rib, scapula where cleared of the cancer and that the spot on my spine was shrinking. I just finished week 2 of radiation therapy and my hair is growing back. I feel very blessed. I have lived each day one day at a time. I live for my children. I fight for everyone. Always try to smile even through the darkest of storms. The clouds will part and the sun will shine once again. Live your life to the fullest. Tomorrow isn't guaranteed!

I miss my old self! But I wouldn't change my path for anything! I am who I am because of all the events that have happened in my life. I cry because I don't have my old body and I don't have my hair. Well I need to wake up and realize life is just to short to be sad. I am for the most part very positive but I miss the me before cancer. 

I will live my life to the fullest and one day at a time. I will keep swimming in the high waters that are thrown my way. I may have Breast Cancer but Breast Cancer has not consumed me. Thank you to all of my support for EVERYTHING! I love you all for everything you have done. Without my support I wouldn't have had anyone to help me get back on my feet when I fell. 

My Status

Well HELLO everyone! I have TWO appointment updates for you all. I have Oncology AND Radiation updates!! I can't believe how fast time is going!! It is just crazy. It is already May 10th.....wow!!

So lets get to this blog. On May 2nd I had my appointment with my Oncologist Dr. Wang. We talked about the rest of my treatment. May 28th is the LAST day of my CHEMO Cycle. What is a chemo cycle? Well I did SIX rounds of chemo. This is how I understood this chemo cycle. Jan 29th was day one of my first big chemo. Than that following next two Tuesday's are my small chemo which is my Herceptin only. So one round of chemo contained Big Chemo (all 3 meds), Small chemo, Small chemo. So I did six rounds of that. I hope I didn't confuse you. The 28th of this month is the LAST day of my 6th cycle, yahoo!!!!

 So what happens next? Well I found out that I will be doing Herceptin indefinitely! After the 28th of May I will be returning every 3 weeks to get my dose of Herceptin. What is Herceptin? Well, this is the Chemo drug that targets the cancer cells! You can find more info about Herceptin just click on the word! I will take this medicine until my doctor tells me I don't need it any more. So my port better start acting right! I don't mind that I have to keep going back. Whatever is going to keep me healthy and here to stay. I will take it!

So, on top of having to go back every three weeks I get to take Tamoxifen every day. Tamoxifen is my hormone suppressant. So it blocks the hormones that my cancer likes to feed on.....ESTROGEN. This causes fun, fun, fun HOT FLASHES!! Dr. Wang wants me to be on this for a MINIMAL of 10 years. I start my Tamoxifen 3 weeks after the 28th! Let the good times roll! LOL!

My Tamoxifen gets mailed to me!

On the 7th I had my appointment with the radiation doctor; Dr. Xu. So this is what she said. I will be doing a total of 28 radiation treatments with an additional 5 treatments to my scar. I will have to go EVERYDAY Monday-Friday! I will be in the office for 15-30min each day. So the parts of my body that will have radiation are my left chest wall, under my arm, my neck area and behind my sternum. Its a huge range but it needs to be done because my cancer spread to my lymph nodes  We need to make sure that we kill all these little pesky bugs that are lingering around. I will be complete with my radiation Mid-August.

As for reconstruction surgery I really don't want to think about that. I know that will pretty much put me in panic mode. I do not like surgery and I am just scared because my recon is going to be more intense than I originally wanted it to be! I will have to wait SIX months after I am done with radiation before I can have the surgery. Reason being is to make sure that my tissue has healed from the radiation. Working with radiated  tissue is a lot more complex than with normal tissue. This means that the spacers are going to probably be more painful than normal. 

But this is the update to those two appointments. I also have an appointment for survivors :) I  have to double check when that appointment is again.

So I have a question for you all. May 28, 2013 is my last day of my chemo cycle should I make a sign saying its my last chemo? What are your thoughts? I mean I will be going back every three week for Herceptin. So I would love to hear your thoughts. I want to tell you all more about the last two weeks but I don't want to have this blog post be so long! I will write another post later.

So in 18 more days I will be done with my six cycles! Woot Woot!! I can't wait!

One Heck of a Week

OMG! Last week was CRAZY!! I am so glad that it is OVER with! So much happened that I do not even know how I managed to do everything! So let's start off with Chemo day!

Tuesday- Everything was going great. I was in a great mood, the sun was shining, my knitting instructor stopped and chatted; it was easy!

Ready for the Battle!

Everything was going great and I was dressed for the task that was laid before me that day. My dad got us some AMAZiNG food from The Rainbow Cafe! 

Best Chicken Soup Ever!!

Chemo was rocking on and I was knitting and crocheting. Doing my thang! 

Than as we round the corner to my easy herceptin something happened to my port! The nurse hooked me up but the IV pump kept saying something was wrong. So my nurse checked out my port. Well, this is where the fun began! We could get blood out of my port but NOTHING would go in! We couldn't flush the port at all! They have had patients where they couldn't get blood out but could flush it. It has happened to me before but what was going on this time was the FIRST EVER!! None of the nurses have ever seen this happen. How could they get blood out but nothing in?!?! They adjusted the port and nothing! The kept pulling blood out and nothing. They took the needle out and re accessed my port again. Still nothing would go in. They even tried to get the medicine that dissolves clots in and it just wouldn't budge. They took the needle out AGAIN and sticked me AGAIN but this time they put the dissolving medicine on the needle. So we waited 20 min and then they tried the port. This time they could flush the port! YAY! BUT they couldn't get any blood out!!!! What the Heck?!?!?!?! Something was going seriously funky with my port. The nurses had no idea what was going on. They called the Dr and he wanted a dye test done on my port. What?!?! I started to freak out! What if my port wasn't working? What if I needed a new port? Is my chemo going to be delay? OMG I didn't want any of that! So the nurses where trying to get me in to get a dye test that day. While they were doing that this is what happened:

I finished off my chemo in my hand. OUCH! I hate IVs in my hand they are the worst! So I spent the last 30 minutes with this horrible thing in my hand. We were not able to get in to get a dye study that day. I was tired. I had been poked THREE times and I was not looking forward to getting poked again! I went home with my port still accessed.

It was very interesting to go home with the needle in my chest! 

So on Wednesday I went to Good Sam to have a dye study done on my port. I was as positive as I could be. They put the dye in and took the photos. I got to see my port INSIDE my body! It is FREAKING AMAZING!! I wish I took a photo so I could show you what the port looks like inside! The Radiologist Dr said nothing was wrong with my port. That everything was in working order. There were no kinks or rips the dye went where it needed to go, it didn't spill out. So what the heck is wrong with my port? I still don't know. The Dr said that my port could have a myelin sheath of connective tissue on it that was acting as a one way valve. So he explained that the possibility is that because the port was accessed correctly it may have needed to be adjusted a little bit. That when the nurses where try to get the blood draw back that the connective tissue was acting as a valve and pinching off the tube. So we will see what tomorrow brings!

Wednesday night- CJ and Grandpa go out to enjoy the good weather after dinner. They are outside riding their bikes and I am enjoying my time inside. Well than my dad comes into the house with CJ in his arms crying and bracing his arm. At this point I am just COMPLETELY DONE. I wanted nothing to do with anything. I was extremely exhausted. I was just stone cold exhausted (I feel bad now that I was like that) but I was just done with my week and I didn't want any more excitement. So we iced his elbow and I gave him some pain meds. We made a makeshift sling for his arm and I told him to head to sleep. Told him that if it was still hurting in the morning we would go to the Dr  All through the night my poor baby was in pain. He stood home and we went to the Dr the next morning.

At the Dr we got an x-ray! CJ was excited to see his bones! He was in pain when they made him extend his elbow but I think him being able to see his bones afterwards made it all the better lol.

We left the Dr and waiting to hear results. I get a call later that day saying that there is a fracture! Once I heard he had a fracture I felt HORRIBLE! My poor baby had a fracture and all I did was tell him to suck it up!! What a horrible mommy I was! So the nurse told me that he needed to see a pediatric orthopedic surgeon!  So I called and scheduled an appt and we got in on Friday!

At the orthopedic they examined him and looked at his x-rays again. She showed where the fracture was and CJ told her where he was in pain! So on went a cast! CJ was very excited about his first cast. I on the other hand felt like crap that my baby got a fracture! So he is in a cast for two week. We go back on the 9th to get x-rays and get the cast removed.

He decided to get a purple cast because that's both his and his grandmas favorite color. He is happy to have a cast on and NO it has not slowed him down. He is still bouncing off the walls and everything.

Saturday came and I chowed down like I had not eaten in weeks! My energy was low but I was still going. I was not wiped out like my last big chemo. Than Sunday came and OMG I felt like my bones wanted to break! It is the weirdest feeling EVER! My bones HURT!!! It literally is painful to lay down or sit down.  I am still in a bit of pain today but nothing like it was yesterday.

I had my blood draw today and my WBC are OFF the charts. They are so high. There are a few things that are really high and its making me scared. I like when I am in normal range but I freak out when I am low or high. I have NEVER seen my White Blood Counts this high EVER! I will find out what is going on tomorrow if it is something I need to worry about. 

Well I think I am going to get ready for bed. I hope you all enjoyed my week! LOL. Love you all!

Speechless

Yes I am speechless. How can I be speechless? I don't know but I can tell you that when my heart is overfilled with love I become speechless and I don't ever had the right words to say but "Thank You". Wonder what I am talking about? Well lets see if I can explain and make sense about it all. 

When I was diagnosis with Breast Cancer on November 15,2012 I felt alone. Why? As soon as I got off the phone with the doctor I tried to get a hold of my mom who was at work and I couldn't get through. I called 3 times I believe. Than I tried to call my boyfriend and I got no answer. I didn't know who to call to tell them what I was told. I felt lost and alone even though I knew I wasn't really alone. My mom finally called me back and up til than I had not shed a tear. I couldn't get out the doctor said without crying. I burst into tears when I told my mom that the doctor said I have breast cancer. It was such a whirlwind of everything going on. I didn't know which way was up or down. My mom and I both cried. It was very hard to tell everyone else that I was diagnosis with breast cancer. I didn't want to believe it. It couldn't be happening to me. A single mom with two little boys to raise. Why me? Of course the infamous question. It didn't matter I was diagnosis with breast cancer end of story.

A lot of my family found out about my diagnosis through my blog post that I wrote. My mom also called my aunts and told them. Breast Cancer is not a stranger in our family unfortunately. Cancer in general isn't a stranger either to our family. It sucks and our family has many cancer survivors. I come from a family of fighters and we are strong fighters. We don't go down easy at all and that is IF we even do go down at all. 

With my diagnosis my family and I we were trying to not let it really suck us down to a deep dark nasty ugly hole of sadness. We have our good days and we have our bad days. We are strong. I have an enormous support group. My support group is all over the world and I know this! I have met other cancer patients and have become friends with them along with being each others support and rooting each other on. My family is very, very supportive. 

Awhile back I posted a blog about the surprise skype call I got from my family in California. I seriously was not having a good week and that Saturday I was not in the best of moods. My cancer had me in a deep dark place that I did not want to be in. All I had wanted to do that day was cry and be wrapped in a blanket. I didn't want to do a dang thing. Well I was a bit ticked because I was trying to have a good day out with Michael and the boys but we had to come back to watch the football game, blah! Well to my surprise my family had planned a get together in my honor. It was absolutely amazing and I was surprised. I cried. Never in my life would I think I would have this much support behind me. I am still astound at the amount of support that I do have. I am very blessed. I have had strangers enter my life who have inspired me and gave me motivation. I have been told that I am a motivation to others but I don't know how or why I am, all I am doing is fighting the fight.

So this is where I have become speechless. My family.......yes, my family has made me speechless. A few members of my family have permanently inked themselves with breast cancer ribbons in honor of myself, my cousin and aunt who have battled breast cancer. I don't ever know the right words to say and all that comes out is 'Thank You'. I mean I wish I could comment with the look on my face, the cheesy ass grin on my face and how cartoonish big my heart looks with it being imploded with all the love and support my family is showing. I can't explain into words how much having a support system means. There have been times when I just got so tired of this fight that I hated who I was. I didn't want ANYONE to see me go through this. I didn't want my boys to have to see me go through this. But with the support that I have behind me I have the courage to keep going on and fighting stronger than ever! 

Here is the ink that my family had put on them permanently:

Brother in law's tattoo

Sister Selina's Tattoo

Aunt Dora's Tattoo with all of our initials 

My Mom's tattoo

My cousin Becky's tattoo

I mean seriously what can I saw to this? All in my honor along with others too! I'm so awe struck. I do not have words to express how much this means to me! It does mean a lot to me. I just wish I was a master with words and that I could word things so magically and wonderfully. But thank you and I am honored that you would ink yourselves for me and many others! 

I don't say it often enough but Thank You EVERYONE for all of your continued support. I can not tell you how many times I have had a hard day and I get some random comment that makes me smile. I swear you all know when I need a lift. You are all the most wonderful support system that anyone could ever have! Though everyone is every important to me and you all mean a lot to me but my parents they are amazing. 

This whole breast cancer thing is an eye opener and I am sure many wonder why I live with my parents. I got separated back in 2011 and had no where to go but to come home to my family; my parents. We have been through a lot these past two years. Dealing with my separation and than when things started to go well with me being in college getting on my way to nursing school the cancer came. My parents have been there with me through it all! I could not have asked God for better parents. They are my rock!  Thank you mom and dad I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world right now than to be with you all fighting this nasty thing!

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Every single one of you are amazing and I am very blessed to have you all as my support. I am happy that I have such an amazing support system filled with amazing people like you. Thank you so much and I am honored that you all have done things in honor of me and others it touches my heart and leaves me speechless.

Stop and Touch Yourself!

Oh yes I did just say that! I want you all to stop for a moment and touch yourself. What? Why? Has she lost her mind? Well, what I really mean by touch yourself, I mean give yourself a self breast exam. Do it! It's not going to hurt, promise. Just take a moment to get to know your breast, this includes men as well. Breast Cancer does not discriminate at all. Men and Women get breast cancer don't think you are safe because you are a male or because whatever you think. Just remember it doesn't discriminate.

You can let breast cancer sneak up and bite you in the ass hard or be educated about it and know your breasts. Either way the diagnosis of breast cancer isn't an easy one to swallow but being able to catch it in its earlier stages can be done just by knowing your breasts. We can do so much to try to prepare and avoid cancer but when you have it you have and it sucks. I want to go up to everyone I know and ask them have you felt yourself lately? I know that a few of my friends where able to feel what my breast cancer felt like when I had my breast still. Did I feel weird that they were touching my breast? Naw! Why not you ask? Well seriously do you know what breast cancer feels like? Do you? More than likely not. I know I didn't until it snuck up on me. Why would I not let my friend feel what an abnormal lump feels like? It does not feel like a normal lumpy breast but it is hard. So I did let my friends and family; those who wanted to felt what my cancer felt like.

What is the purpose of my post? I just really want you all to take the time to do monthly exams. I don't want my friends or family have to go through what I am going through. It is not easy. Not one step of this is easy at all. I am not the same person I was last year around this time and I wont be the same person next year around this time either. This experience has changed me. It has opened my eyes. It has brought me down and has lifted me up. It has showed me what I am grateful for. Showed me that even though I may have my tough times I have my family and friends who are behind me to help lift me up.

I am that person. What person you ask? Well I am the my mom's, friends, coworker daughter had breast cancer. Or my friends friends cousin......when you are diagnosis with cancer it effects A LOT of people. People I have NEVER met are effected because they know me somehow. People reach out in ways I have never imagined. I am blessed. I am grateful. I am so happy that I was able to wake up today and continue my fight.

I want to share with you all something that my Mom's coworker gave to her. It is an eye opened. Its more like WOW!

This is something interesting and this is what is making me write my post. My mom's coworker gave her this key chain. Each bead on this represents the different stages, if you want to call it that.  I will explain a bit more about it. But the beads go from largest to smallest.

As you can see the card says that the largest bead (pink) is what someone would feel who is untrained in breast self exams. So if you don't check your breasts monthly and decide to this is probably the size the breast cancer would be. The bead measures 1 1/2 inches. I want to say that my lump was between the pink and brown bead. Did I do monthly breast exams? No I didn't. Do I wish I would of? Well of course I do. Do I want to encourage everyone to start doing them regularly? YES!! PLEASE PLEASE check yourself. Do it for me, do it for your self. 

The Brown Bead (second largest) is what could possibly be detected for an occasional breast self exam. The bead above that one is regular breast self exam, and the rest of them are first mammo and yearly mammo. Now which would you like to see? Ya of course what a dumb question right? I wouldn't want to see any of these sized lumps in my breast but if you had to choose which size would you want? Me? Personally I would want the smaller ones!

Remember that the beads represent the different size lumps that could be found using these self detection. A lot of what I posted is personal experience. Everyone is different. All I ask is that you educate yourselves and touch yourselves once a month. Make sure your boobies are doing ok. I don't want any of you to have to experience cancer of any type. It is exhausting and life changing. But please do me a favor and check yourself out. 

Well I think I will stop my blabbing on and on. Cancer is no fun. Please all I ask is to check yourself out. I am off now. Time to get some energy since I have been lacking it lately. 

Tata for now!

Yahoo! Woohoo! Yeehaw!!

So I think I can dub myself the worst blogger ever!! Yes, I sure did say that! I take FOREVER to blog anything and I am sure you all are anxious about what has been going on. I have to find energy and words to type. Some of you are probably wondering how does she find words to type because she never shuts up! LOL!! So here we go for the update! Are you ready? Well I sure hope so and I sure hope I cover everything lol. Also, I do do small updates on my facebook page and I do slack on my for jacqueline group on facebook but I do update! Oh ya and on instagram too!

So here we go............Valentine's weekend Chuck surprised the boys with a visit. The boys had a good weekend with him and it was much needed. Chuck and I had a good heart to heart talk about everything and it was good. It is nice to be able to talk to him and not have so much pain. I got closure that I needed and we can say that we are friends. It is the best way for the boys that Chuck and I are friends and that we don't have any anger towards one another. So a lot of the things I did find out for me where nice. It was just nice to finally have that chapter closed of my life and now I can move forward. Though I do not like what happened but it did happen and some things in life happen for reasons. I just live my life and go forward with my boys and do what is best for all of us.

So on Feburary 24th I shaved my head! Yes! I did it! Boy was that one hard thing to do. I wasn't feeling to well because I had my big chemo on the 20th and I had to get my head shaved. My hair was just getting awful. I would wake up and be scared out of my mind to see how much hair had fallen out. I knew it was time for me to shave my head.

The first photo is my shower and hair combing. So it was getting pretty bad. The bottom photo above is showing my hair thinning. It was just getting to bad for me to watch. So I did the head shaving. I had too! So because of my hair loss and me deciding to shave my head I needed to get a wig. I went and I used my gift certificate that my uncle and aunt got for me and I got a wig. It was a spur of the moment thing because I was feeling very ill from my chemo but I had to get it. I picked out a super cute wig and I do love it!

Here is my me in my new wig! I love it! I love it! It is something completely different that what I am use to but hey I can try out new things cant I?

So now on to the head shaving! I will say that I do not have photos of my head shaving on my phone :( Sorry about that. I had my friend Esha take photos for me and I will share them once I get them. My sister also took a video and I will post that as well. I will say that it was very emotional for me and for everyone there! I had everyone single member of my family, including my nieces and nephew  brother in law and Michael cut a piece of my hair. My boys even cut my hair as well! So it was hard for me. I dont have photos but I will post a photo of my shaved head! I will tell you it is a different look. I think I have gotten use to it but not 100%. Most days I am just one boobed and wearing my beanie :) Hey I am not ashamed of how I look or what I am going through. I do get weird looks at times but who cares I am fighting for my life! :) So here is a photo of me bald!

See how different the look is? Yes pretty shocking I know! But get use to it!! :) I love the breeze that goes over my head lol! Can't say through my hair anymore so ya you get the point!

So because of this head shaving my dad, brother in law, nephew AND my son CJ shaved their heads as well. They all did if for a good cause of course!! But for CJ he had to go to school and tell his friends why he shaved his head. He is very cute! He told them that he shaved it to support his mom who has breast cancer and her chem makes her hair fall out. I just love all the support that I am surround by. I couldn't have asked for anything or another family/friends better than what I have!! I have the best of everything! Everything happens for a reason and I am a strong believer in that!

So the head shaving was the big even that meant a lot to me. I just totally lost my train of thought.....THANK YOU Chemo Brain! Ya! Gotta love when that happens!!

Now I know there are a TON of you waiting to hear what I have to say so I guess I can FINALLY tell you. I did have more to write but I honestly I totally forgot what I had to say. I had a big spout of chemo brain. So as some of you may know.......oh wait!! I want to tell you about yesterday! So I went to a look pretty feel better class and OMG that was so much fun!! It is a makeup class and they tell you about what products to use and what to stay away from and you get free makeup! Not only do you get free makeup but they show you how to wrap a scarf and do a turban for our beautiful bald heads!! I had a blast there. There where only 3 of use there and the two instructions. It was small and it was lovely. I just loved the atmosphere there. I am glad that I went to that class. I felt great leaving the class.

Make up haul!

Before

After

So all in all it was a great class and I enjoyed it! I would recommend this class to any female cancer patient. 

Soooooooooo.......as some of you know I had my PET scan last Friday and I am scared as can be with these scans. If you don't know about the PET scan it will highlight parts in your body that your cells are trying to fight off. So in my case it will highlight all of my cancer parts. The first pet was very scary for me and I HATE these scans because I just dont want to hear any more bad news! So, last night RIGHT before I went to bed I saw that my pet scan was available for me to see and what did I go and do? Ya I read it! Not the greatest thing to do when you want to get some rest. The medical jargon is just so crazy that I didnt understand half of it! I was a wreck last night! I thought I knew than I doubted myself and I just didnt want to get my hopes up. 

Today I am sitting here doing my LONG chemo! So I will be here all day. After I got hooked up I asked my nurse if she could tell me my pet scan results and she said she would get someone to tell me. Well are you ready for this? I hope you are because I am NOW FINALLY ready to let you all know! It is very exciting and prayers are being heard and miracles being worked! Pretty much the cancer is gone. Its resolving or resolved however you want to look at it!! Yes you just read that! It is very exciting and I am very happy! I will continue to keep going with my chemo and the expected last day is 28 May and than my oncologist will determine what is next! This is what the impression of the PET scan says: 

Impression:
1. Status post left mastectomy.
2. Otherwise unremarkable PET/CT scan.
3. In particular, there is been complete resolution of the
hypermetabolism within the left axilla, left posterior fourth rib, and L5
vertebra with no scintigraphic evidence of residual active breast cancer
in this patient receiving ongoing chemotherapy.

See you are reading the impression yourself! Isnt this awesome?!?! I think it is! I just seriously want to jump up and down and boogie on down!! I just cant put into words how awesome this is. So that is my wonderful news for the day!!! I hope it was worth your weight. I know you all gave me a good giggle waiting that is for sure.

Also I want to mention that I am doing the Susan G. Komen 5k June 2nd and I am excited for that. I want my team to raise $1000.00 dollars. I would love if you all could help me reach this goal. This is obviously near and dear to my heart. Thank you to all of those who have donated already but please pass the word along. Help my team reach our goal!

http://pugetsound.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/SEA_PugetSoundAffiliate?team_id=248633&pg=team&fr_id=3015

There is the link to donate to Team Jackie.

I just wanted to tell you all that I appreciate everyone of you all.

Always remember that I Mustache YOU!!

Ok now I am off to publish this post. Much love to you all!!!